i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
