Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
