i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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