then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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