Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
