my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
