I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
