listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize