UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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