The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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