DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
