U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
