dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dignity is for republicans.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
