worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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