That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize