I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
