Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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