if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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