Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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