I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
