If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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