i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My vagina is officially offended.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
