Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
