hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
