i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
do herpes really smell.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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