the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
