Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
