oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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