I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
