I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
