a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
