Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He passed out mid-signature
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
