Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You did what with his pubic hair?
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