you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
