Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
