those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
