I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
