I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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