id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
