I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
