last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
