Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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