I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
