i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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