you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
