OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
