Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
