There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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