Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
