we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
