i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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