hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
