meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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