but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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