Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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