he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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