i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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