hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Houston, we have a squirter
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
