My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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