found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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