Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Everyone says I win the strip club
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
