A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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