i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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