been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
