I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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